it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
