DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize