Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
two words: eviction party
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
