i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
