i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
