my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize