I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize