there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
