I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
