How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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