My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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