oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
