a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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