Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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