I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
