If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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