I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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