Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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