made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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