This beer is not sobering me up at all
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
