I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
