I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
