PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
