I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Boobs speak an international language.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
