Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i barfeds in our rink
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
