pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
