Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
