haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
