chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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