At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wear drunk well.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
