His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
