Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
