Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
