I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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