You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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