too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
