I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
