So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think my fart just growled at me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
