the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
