these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
