It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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