she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
