you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
