A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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