I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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