if you like me you must not know who I am
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
