onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
we should paint friendship bongs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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