You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
