Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
