why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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