Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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