I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
we should paint friendship bongs
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