the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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