Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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