At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
