please come you make the beer taste better
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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