Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
