Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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