She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
