I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
