OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
