kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
