i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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