I wanna passion pit in your ass
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
