The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize