So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
