If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
