dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
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