From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
