I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Houston, we have a blender
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
