i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
