I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
