Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
