I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
