Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
