i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
