you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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