I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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