you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
