How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
