I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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