I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
