Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
