8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We are all done wearing pants today
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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