Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
