I think I died a long time ago.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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