Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
