I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize