between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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