If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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