saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
