Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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