I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
