Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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