I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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