I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
