He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
