Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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