Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
