Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
