I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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