In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
