I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
