You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
