Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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