oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
