Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
