We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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