Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
